Introduction

Welcome to our Blog! We are glad that you have taken the time to find us. This blog was birthed out of my own "mid-life" crisis and the desire to look beyond myself to help others. When I say "we", it is co-produced by two Christian married men who have never met in person. I stumbled upon him through one of his old blogs. I am in my early 40's and he is in his late 20's. We reside in two different states within the United States. We are married to a person of the opposite gender, have children, are conservative Christians, and have been involved in various same-sex sexual encounters.

Homosexuality or Bisexuality is a very complicated issue. I as the writer am a professional counselor, working currently in the area of substance abuse rehabilitation. My training included various classes on diversity and tolerance. In no way should this blog be a forum for gay-bashing or condemnation for the acts that we have committed. We realize or are starting to realize that what we are doing is morally wrong. We are not pastors, clergy, or a priest. We are like the people that you shake hands with when you greet each other at your church. To our friends, and maybe even our church family, we are the picture of the "perfect" Christian spouse. Yet, we have this other part of our lives; where we are involved in "covert or hidden" actions with another member of the same sex. Those actions could be something as simple as getting online to chat to a full-blown sexual encounter. We are embarrassed and ashamed to admit this to anyone within our respective churches, or even admit this to ourselves. So there we sit, guilty and feeling condemned by our own actions. We wonder if there is anyone out there in a similar situation. We there is.... I am one of you!

The blog applies to the following individuals:

1.) We are Christians - We are followers and believers in God. We believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and through his shed blood on the cross we can have forgiveness of our sins. Our theological point of view will come from a conservative slant. If you disagree with this view, then this blog is not for you.

2.) We are married - We believe in the sanctity of marriage. We were married to our respective spouses for a reason; hopefully because that we genuinely loved them and wanted to live our lives with them. Some of us have children that we love and care deeply for. Others might be divorced or have never been married. Other readers might be engaged, or maybe living together... Regardless of your marital status, everyone is welcome to view this blog and give their respective responses.

3.) We have committed adultery - If you are married, you took a vow stating something to the effect that we would be faithful to our spouses. We have broken that vow. We have trespassed against one of God's "Ten Commandments". We are guilty, whether we admit it or not. Some of us are in denial. Others have justified their "sins" in their own minds. However, if we "get real" with ourselves, then we have to admit that we are guilty. I'm not pointing fingers at you.... I am one of you!

4.) We desire to recommit our lives to God and to our marriage - I am a "backslidden" Christian... and I know it. While we go to church, there is a distinction between being fully committed to God versus just "playing church". In all fairness to you the reader, I have not changed my current situation. I'm seriously contemplating my next move. I'm not "there yet"... and maybe you are not either. I can relate to your struggles, because I have them too.

If you are reading this, you have some savvy at navigating on the 'net. Most of us have been involved in various Instant Messenger (IM) chat capabilities. As of this writing, I still have a gay.com account where I get on and chat. For the majority of the people on there, they have one goal of being online there: to have a "hookup" for a sexual encounter. There are other IM capabilities trough other providers: Yahoo IM, AOL IM, Skype, Men4SexNow, etc... Others have engaged in "risky behaviors" by having sex in an adult theatre (porn shop), public parks, our places of work.... all in the pursuit of temporary pleasure. This is not unlike the crack addicts I work with who just like the "high". One of the reasons for this blog is for support. I am weak. If I deleted my gay.com account, I could easily open another one under another username. I need your help, and if you agree with our stance, we need your feedback. We need your support and practical ways to overcome this desire; not your self-righteous condemnation.

Alcoholics Anonymous has helped countless individuals in overcoming their alcohol addiction. Step one states, "We admitted that we were powerless over (alcohol) - that our lives had become unmanageable". I am addicted to the chats. Some of us are addicted to the "hunt"; others to the sex. Alcoholism is progressive leading to tolerance and eventually to addiction. Our actions may have evolved into a full-blown sexual addiction. Only you yourself can determine where you stand currently.

Lastly, for those that are activists within the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (GLBT) communities; we respect your position. We are not condemning you or your current life situation. Our aim, our goal is to restore families. Our purpose is for a renewal of our commitment to our spouses. Our goal is to be the godly example to our children by being fully committed to our spouses. This does not negate our same-sex attraction. That is a whole other complex issue. We respect your position, please respect ours also.

So what do you think? Your honest and constructive feedback is welcomed!
Please do not use your real name in the responses of this blog to protect everyone's privacy.

May God Bless this blog!