Boston's "Long Time"

Foreplay/long Time by Tom Scholz

It's been such a long time
I think I should be goin', yeah
And time doesn't wait for me,
it keeps on rollin'
Sail on, on a distant highway
I've got to keep on chasin' a dream
I've gotta be on my way
Wish there was something I could say.

Well I'm takin' my time,
I'm just movin' on
You'll forget about me after I've been gone
And I take what I find,
I don't want no more
It's just outside of your front door.

It's been such a long time.
It's been such a long time.
Well I get so lonely when I am without you
But in my mind, deep in my mind,
I can't forget about you
Good times, and faces that remind me
I'm tryin' to forget your name and leave it all behind me
You're comin' back to find me.

Well I'm takin' my time,
I'm just movin' on
You'll forget about me after I've been gone
And I take what I find,
I don't want no more
It's just outside of your front door.

It's been such a long time.
It's been such a long time.
Yeah. it's been such a long time, I think I should be goin',
yeah, And time doesn't wait for me,
it keeps on rollin'
There's a long road, I've gotta stay in time with
I've got to keep on chasin' that dream, though I may never find it
I'm always just behind it.
Well I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along
Takin' my time, just movin' along
Takin' my time, takin' my time...
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I have never been a head banger. I didn't like heavy metal, but did like rock and hard rock. Some of my favorite groups were Styx,Pat Benatar, Joan Jett, REO, ELO, and various other secular groups. Listening to a local Classic Rock station, I've been reintroduced to the songs of Boston. I liked them so well, that I bought their greatest hits. I was surprised to find a song called "Higher Power" on the CD. The band members endorse both Alcoholic Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. I thought this was really cool for a mainstream rock band to take a stand against drugs and alcohol.

Last weekend, I had a short chat with the person identified in my April "Honesty and humility" posting. I was relieved that he didn't hate me. I pride myself in being a nice guy, and when I stooped to new low levels last winter, it really bothered me.

"I've got to keep on chasin that dream....". My current job as a substance abuse counselor is coming to a close. I may have the opportunity to working as a counselor in another state focusing on trauma and PTSD issues. I hate the thought of moving. I moved frequently my 20+ years in the military, and I hate the whole process. However, this may be a necessity in order to have a viable job.

I recently had the opportunity of working as a professional substance abuse counselor at my church. However, because I am not walking on the "straight and narrow" right now, I am declining the position. I hate being hippocritical (sp?) . I could do the job and do it well, but I feel that there is a different level of accountability in working in a church environment. The application had a lot of questions about my Christian walk, devotions, prayer life, etc. For now I'm leaving it alone........

It's getting crunch time for getting a follow-on job. I just opened our electricity bill yesterday and about keeled over in shock. $325........ouch.

Next Tuesday is the 4th of July. I am very patriotic usually. We need to remember to pray for the safety of our troops around the world. I saw yesterday that President Bush went jogging with a Army man who is a double amputee. That man has guts and determination.....qualities that are rare today.

"You got to keep on chasing that dream..." My dream has been to be a counselor and to change people's lives. I also chose this field as a means of changing my own life. The road is not easy and there are bumps and rocks in the road.....but I'm still plugging along.

Thanks for reading my posting.....

I still believe.....

"I Still Believe"- The Call:

I been in a cave for forty days
Only a spark to light my way
I wanna give out
I wanna give in
This is our crime
This is our sin

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the pain
And the grief
Through the lies
Through the storms
Through the cries
And through the wars
Oh, I still believe

Flat on my back
Out a sea
Hopin' these waves
Don't cover me
I'm turned and tossed
Upon the waves
When the darkness comes
I feel the grave

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the cold
And the heat
Through the pain
And through the tears
Through the crowds
And through the cheers

Oh, I still believe

I'll march this road
I'll climb this hill
Down on my knees if I have to
I'll take my place
Up on this stage
I'll wait 'til the end of time
For you

Like everybody else
I'm out on my own
Walkin' the streets
Look at the faces
That I meet
I feel like i like I want to go home
What do I feel
What do I know

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the shame
And through the grief
Through the heartache
Through the tears
Through the waiting
Through the years
For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get

Oh, I still believe
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This song was originally performed by The Call and covered by Christian singer Russ Taff on his self-titled CD around 1988. At that time in my life, I was living in the frozen northern state of Alaska. Alaska is a very vast and beautiful state. It is known as the "Land of Extremes". Currently, Alaska is experiencing 22+ hours of sunlight. It is a land of extreme sunlight and extreme darkness. There are places within the state that have both 67 days where the sun does not rise (winter solstice) and the same 67 days (summer solstice) where the sun does not set.

It contains the highest mountain in north America -- Mount McKinley located in Denali National Park. Alaska has some of the most majestic and beautiful scenery. I highly encourage you to visit this state at some time in your life.

I lived there for four year in the late 1980's. Some people suffer from "Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)" due to the lack of sunlight and extreme cold temperatures. The coldest I went through was 67 degrees below zero. AKA FRIGID! Your flesh would freeze in 15 seconds if exposed to the elements.

This song helped me through those dark days of depression. I would crank this song and literally yell the lyrics "in places like this, we need all the hope that we can get" My Christian faith at times has felt like the frozen tundra that I had lived in.

One time I took a drive and parked near a road side where the mountains were very awe inspiring. It was there that God impressed on me that I was loved inspite of my struggles with same-sex attractions. I was hoping for deliverance but that never came.

"I still believe... Through the heart ache and all the tears".......This song still moves me. I get reminded of how awesome creation is.

If you want to see nature's beauty at its finest, take a trip to Alaska. Don't just take a cruise to the Southeast Inside Passage but visit Fairbanks, Anchorage, or at least Denali N.P. It will be a vacation you won't forget.....and it may restore your faith also.

That's what love is for...

THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS FOR (Amy Grant)

Sometimes, we make it harder than it is
We'll take a perfect night
And fill it up with words we don't mean
Dark sides best unseen
And we wonder why we're feeling this way
Sometimes, I wonder if we really feel the same
Why we can be unkind
Questioning the strongest of hearts
That's when we must start
Believing in the one thing
That has gotten us this far

(Chorus 1:)
That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it
Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

Sometimes, I see you, and you don't know I am there
And I'm washed away
By emotions I hold deep down inside
Getting stronger with time
It's living through the fire
And holding on we find

(Repeat chorus 1)
Believing in the one thing
That has gotten us this far

(Chorus 2:)
That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it
Round off the edges
Talk us down from the ledges
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

That's what love is for
That's what love is for
Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for
That's what love is for
(That's what love is for)
That's what love is for
(Ooh, nothing else can do it)
____________________________________________________________________
Today is my 14th Wedding Anniversary. This song by Amy Grant was played at our wedding. Ii was so nervous about getting married that my palms were sweating. Being a product of divorce, I wanted to make sure that our marriage would last. Of course, all of this was before the explosion of the internet and websites about gay or bi issues that opened up a pandora's box.

Fourteen years ago I had every intention of fulfilling my wedding vows. I was in love with a pretty woman, was involved heavily in church, had my daily devotions. The usual makings of a conservative, evangelical Christian husband. But then those "little foxes" started creeping in. You know those foxes....buying porn magazines, watching scrabbled porn late at night. Then over time, frequenting adult bookstores on occasion, browsing the videos and the magazines. Sexual addiction is a reality.

Then those "little foxes" started circling their prey. Actually registering on websites such as gay.com. Getting online to chat with unknown strangers. Which, of course, progressed to the first "hook-up". In the back of your mind, you know what you are doing is morally wrong though. Being faithful versus committing adultery. The flesh versus the spirit. Questions abound: Am I straight, bi or gay? I must be insane---I am married. I need to ensure that I play safe. I don't want to bring any STD critters home to give to my beloved. How would I explain that?

"Melt our defenses, bring us back to our senses, give us strength to try once more".

Fourteen years is a long time. My wife and I watched the series finalle of "Everwood" last night. The character Dr Andy Brown made this statement: "It doesn't matter who is in the picture that you are standing next to, the key point is are you smiling?" My marriage might not be the loving picture that it once was. I love thinking about the good times when my kids are smiling and they know that mom and dad love them. I don't like to think of the alternative. Divorce, betrayal, bitterness, single-parent, stigma of divorce.

"That's what love is for...."

Your comments are welcomed.