Bridge over troubled waters.....

Bridge Over Troubled Waters
written by Simon & Garfunkel

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all.
I'm on your side,

Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
when you're on the street
When evening falls so hard,
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part,
Oh when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl (children), sail on by
Your time has come to shine,
all their dreams are on their way
See how they shine,
Oh when you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled waters,
I will ease your mind.I'll ease your mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I remember this song when I was in the First Grade. My very young teacher used to play this song on the record player (now I'm dating myself mentioning that antique). This song has been redone by LeAnn Rimes and most recently by Michael W. Smith for the Christian music world.

In a few weeks will be my 14th wedding Anniversary. I wish I could say that things are wedding bliss, but that would be a lie. When I said those vows in from of friends, family, and ultimately God, I had intended to keep my promise to be true and faithful. I broke that promise.....

My wife and I share a cell phone currently. She was looking through the dialed numbers and came across a number that she did not recognize. I am a temporary employee at work, so I am not allowed to have a phone that has long distance capabilities. I could have used another phone in another person's office, but I chose to use my personal cell phone to call some clients instead. Needless to say that started another argument where she was basically accusing me of having an affair on her with another woman. She is so far from the truth. Which would hurt worse: an affair with another woman or with another man? I also have almost been caught chatting on gay.com late at night and she is suspicious as she knows that I am not just playing solitaire on the computer late at night.

"Like a bridge over troubled waters..." My marriage is in trouble and I don't know how to correct it. I am afraid.....My parents were divorced, so I witnessed first hand the pain and hurt that divorce brings on both the marriage partners and the children. I am lacking greatly in the romance department. I would like some practical advice how to salvage my marriage.

Your input is appreciated.

U2's Bono and DATA

Bono, front man for one of my favorite rock groups, was in town last week discussing issues that are addressed in his organization: DATA - Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa. Regardless of your political affiliation, I feel that Bono is a great humanitarian and is putting action to his faith. He has been criticized in the past from conservative Christians due to his "colorful" language that slips out on occasion. The last person I knew to be perfect lived over 2000 years ago and died on a cross...

"Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own" - Lyrics by Bono

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me nowI need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...
Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...


If you haven't figured it out, I love music. And not just the music but the lyrics. This song was written by Bono after the death of his father - Bob Hewson. Mr Hewson worked in a post office during the day and sang opera at night. This is why he states, "You're the reason I sing...You're the reason why the opera is in me". This is so profound.

My own father came for a week visit a couple of weeks ago. He is 63 years old and lives in the Midwest. My parent's were divorced and I didn't live with him and my step-mother after the divorce, but at times I wished that I had. I left home at age 18, and joined the military. I married a southern girl, and now live in the south -- far from the rolling plains of the midwest. It seems like Bono and his dad didn't really talk...I mean really talk.....those intimate conversations that fathers and sons need but rarely happen due to male pride or avoiding any real affection for fear of being "unmanly". During our conversations over coffee, I had always thought that he had a close relationship with my grandfather -- his father. I was shocked to hear him say no...he was always closer to my grandmother. Now this is the same man that asked his Dad for professional advice while remodeling our home when growing up (grandpa was a plumber) , and they went on several fishing trips together. However, I found out that these times were more superficial....not intimate.

On his last day before they left my home in their rental car heading to the airport, I gave him a hug. I needed him to know that I did care, even though we are nearly 1000 miles apart. I needed to know that he was proud of me. I did not pursue his career choice. I am a male in a female dominated career field of social work. (No Gaylord Fokker jokes please...rent "Meet the Parents" if you don't know what I am talking about). I had to know if he was proud of me....his approval of me was important. He is my father....I am his son. Would I ever disclose to him about my same-sex struggles and that I was one of those "queers" that he warned me about during "the talk" about sex? I don't know if that will ever be discussed.....I am just satisfied that he is proud of me in my life currently. "You don't have to make it on your own..." You, the reader, may not have the opportunity to make amends to an aging parent. If this is on your "to do" list, I suggest picking up the phone and call them....before it is too late and you have a lifetime of regret. Your feedback about your own father-son relationship is appreciated.

Carry on my wayward Son....

"Carry on my Wayward Son" by Kerry Livgren

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well it surely means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

No!Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
The center lights around your vanity
But surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have always loved this song. It is written by Kerry Livgren who was one of the main lyricist of the rock group "Kansas" from the late 70's and early 80's. This song, as well as the popular "Dust in the Wind" were written by Mr. Livgren. He was on a spiritual search that took him from his origins in Christianity to Eastern Religions and Philosophies, to return to embrace Christianity once again. After leaving Kansas, he was part of a Christian rock band called "AD" in the mid -80's.

"Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more". I find these lyrics to be profound when I reflect on my life currently. I tend to get "weary" in trying to restore a shakey marriage. Weary in trying to find a close male friend that accepts me for what I am. Weary in hiding my sin of adultery with other men in much the same way that Adam did in the Garden of Eden. Weary of having a hardened heart and not responding to the call of the Holy Spirit to repent of my own selfish sins. Weary of letting the flesh rule.....

I tend to prefer the intimacy with other men more that the sex. I'm not sure if this is due to being raised an only child with its own set of built in loneliness, having been sexually abused as a teen, or my own dysfunctional Dependent Personality Disorder (self diagnosed). So I struggle....the proverbial Angel and Devil on my shoulders. The struggle between the Flesh and the Spirit. Years ago, when I was "on fire" for God, I had more answers. I don't have those answers today. I tend to have more questions.

"Carry on my wayward Son, There will be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more". While this might not fit into the Psalms, it is a form of a plea....a prayer if you will. "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" was Jesus' plea in the Garden of Gethsamane.

I don't have all the answers today for my marriage, for my struggling faith, for my struggles with same-sex attractions. "My charade is the event of the season".....this is me....open and honest. Your opinions are always welcomed.