My Parent's Divorce

Divorce is not a pretty event, especially for the children conceived from the troubled marriage. This is my own personal story: Around 1977, was the height of the citizen band (CB) radio. Having a CB in your car or at a "homebase" was popular. It was probably the 1970's version of the current cell phone. You could communicate with another person via their CB "handle" or name. My name was "Boo-Boo" as in Yogi the Bear's sidekick. One night, I was a young 13 year old monitoring the CB, when I heard my mother ask another operator to change to another channel. Of course, I followed her to the new channel and there my mom had arranged to meet the local grocery store produce manager down by the river. When my mother got home later, I confronted my mom with this information in front of my father. I could see the trust leave my father's face and was replaced with hurt. It wasn't too many months past this time that my parent's announced that they would divorce.

It was a cold and dark mid-November night in 1977. I had just came home from junior high basketball practice (I wasn't that good by the way), when they announced that they were getting divorced. Being the only child, my life was beginning to be radically changed. The stability of my family, no matter how dysfunctional, was now shattered. I actually helped load my father’s belongings into his vehicle that night of the announcement, with huge tears streaming down my face. I loved my father and now he was leaving our home. A few weeks later was Thanksgiving and the family dinner was very somber. We made the excuse that my father had to "work" and could not be there for the Thanksgiving feast. What a farce...That Christmas was very hard for me also. I was so depressed that Dad made me go stay with my grandparents for a few days. I was sad and very depressed. I would get down on my knees and pray to God that they would not get divorced. That prayer went unanswered.

The divorce decree was finalized in March 1978. Historically, this was the height of the "disco" era and "free love". After the divorce, my mother went "wild" and would go out bar hopping on Friday or Saturday night leaving me at home. I would stay home and watch the original "Saturday Night Live". I also was very depressed during this time. To this day, I cannot listen to Bette Midler's "The Rose" without getting sad. Get the picture here: I was 14 years old, very thin, braces, severe acne, and the brunt of my classmates ridicule. I could have easily been a teen suicide statistic or been the 70's version of Columbine. To let you know how much I hated my life, I had this T-shirt with the iron-on transfer on it that read: "Have a Nice Day before some Bastard Louses it Up!". Talk about a negative attitude.

My mother also experimented with live-in boyfriends. One of them, Gordon, was an alcoholic. He used to hide vodka bottles around our house for his fix. Gordon was also bi-sexual. One night, my mother thought I should experience my first alcoholic drink at home as compared to being in a car drinking and driving. So Gordon made everyone some "screwdrivers" with orange juice and vodka. With one drink, I was looped and I went to bed. Within an half an hour, Gordon came upstairs to "talk" with me. The talk eventually lead to him performing oral sex on me. This was child sexual abuse. I am a male sexual abuse survivor! Sex abuse can negatively affect a young boy, especially if they are in the middle of puberty. Talk about messing up your own concept of masculinity and questioning if he did this to me because he thought I was gay?

A few weeks later and very embarrassed, I told my mother what had happened. As was the norm for a small town in the Midwest, this was never reported and nothing was ever done. This is just one of several stories about my parent's divorce.

I would like to hear of your own stories of your parent's divorce or sexual abuse. I believe it plays a factor in why I seek out same sex encounters and fulfilling a legitimate need.
Please post your anonymous comments. For most, you would rather disclose something to a total stranger, than to a close friend or to a member of your clergy at your church. Your feedback and comments are welcome!