Carry on my wayward Son....

"Carry on my Wayward Son" by Kerry Livgren

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well it surely means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

No!Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
The center lights around your vanity
But surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)
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I have always loved this song. It is written by Kerry Livgren who was one of the main lyricist of the rock group "Kansas" from the late 70's and early 80's. This song, as well as the popular "Dust in the Wind" were written by Mr. Livgren. He was on a spiritual search that took him from his origins in Christianity to Eastern Religions and Philosophies, to return to embrace Christianity once again. After leaving Kansas, he was part of a Christian rock band called "AD" in the mid -80's.

"Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more". I find these lyrics to be profound when I reflect on my life currently. I tend to get "weary" in trying to restore a shakey marriage. Weary in trying to find a close male friend that accepts me for what I am. Weary in hiding my sin of adultery with other men in much the same way that Adam did in the Garden of Eden. Weary of having a hardened heart and not responding to the call of the Holy Spirit to repent of my own selfish sins. Weary of letting the flesh rule.....

I tend to prefer the intimacy with other men more that the sex. I'm not sure if this is due to being raised an only child with its own set of built in loneliness, having been sexually abused as a teen, or my own dysfunctional Dependent Personality Disorder (self diagnosed). So I struggle....the proverbial Angel and Devil on my shoulders. The struggle between the Flesh and the Spirit. Years ago, when I was "on fire" for God, I had more answers. I don't have those answers today. I tend to have more questions.

"Carry on my wayward Son, There will be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more". While this might not fit into the Psalms, it is a form of a plea....a prayer if you will. "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" was Jesus' plea in the Garden of Gethsamane.

I don't have all the answers today for my marriage, for my struggling faith, for my struggles with same-sex attractions. "My charade is the event of the season".....this is me....open and honest. Your opinions are always welcomed.