"My Immortal"

"My Immortal" by Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I really like this song. It talks about the pain of a breakup of a relationship. While the lead singer, Amy Lee, seems to be more Gothic than my usual taste in music, I still like this like this song and its accompanying video. They have a new CD being released soon. It contains the single, "Call me when your sober".

Yesterday was my last day as a substance abuse counselor. It was a bitter sweet ending to a year of intervening in people's lives. I was working at a VA hospital and I REALLY enjoyed working there. I could identify with the veterans, but not their substance abuse.

Today, I have three potential job opportunities. 1) an upstart hospice with low census count and uncertain job reliability, 2) a nursing home social worker (better pay, I can work with the elderly. Not my preference, but we ALL are getting older) and 3) a job at the Salvation Army. (Interview next Monday). I would appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers of this decision. Keep in mind this is a temporary position. My heart and soul is back at the local VA hospital. I loved working there and I really was able to connect with the veterans that I served.

Gock, my co-blogger, is making great steps in overcoming his addiction to anonymous sex. I'm very proud of you my man. Even though websites such as gay.com has been my downfall for a sexual hookup, I have been able to help and support a couple of guys on there. One 30-something guy is trying to reconnect with his childhood faith. The other is having a difficult time over the loss of his son (he was married) to leukemia ten years ago. He stated that he never successfully mourned over the loss of his son. That must have been painful.

"These wounds won't seem to heal. The pain is just too real....." I really believe that there are men out there that are really hurting. To deal with the hurt, they have somehow sexualized their pain. This doesn't apply to all..........but some.

M. Flip - email me at my college account. My work account went away as of yesterday. I hope your doing well.

Gock - Thanks for being strong. Your a good man and a good father. YOu've come a long way baby!

The future of this blog is unknown.....but I continue to appreciate your comments and support..........

"What's Left of Me"

What's Left of Me Lyrics
Music Artist: Nick Lachey | Album: What's Left of Me

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Yeah...

[Chorus]
Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still

[Chorus]

It's falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

[Chorus]

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?
Just running in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?
_____________________________________________________________________________________

This song was written by Nick Lachey after the public breakup of his marriage from Jessica Simpson. The video, on You Tube, is so poignant as it shows how the couple had no privacy from the cameras. This was a reference to their reality TV show on MTV. That may have been their downfall. Both parties are very appealing to the eyes. While there is some age difference, I think it would be cool to see Nick hookup with Jennifer Aniston. That would show old Mr. Pitt a thing or two.

Next subject...

My current job is in the last two weeks. I have had some job interviews and some possibilities that I will update the readers on. I recently discovered that a fellow blogger lives in the same metropolitan area that I live in, so we might meet for lunch one day.

As far as the future of this blog, it is uncertain. I had hoped for more feedback and interaction, but that has not come to fruition as of yet. I would appreciate everyone's continued thoughts and prayers for a job. I have some leads, but have not signed on officially anywhere yet.

If you would like to leave a comment....please do so.