"My Immortal"
"My Immortal" by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I really like this song. It talks about the pain of a breakup of a relationship. While the lead singer, Amy Lee, seems to be more Gothic than my usual taste in music, I still like this like this song and its accompanying video. They have a new CD being released soon. It contains the single, "Call me when your sober".
Yesterday was my last day as a substance abuse counselor. It was a bitter sweet ending to a year of intervening in people's lives. I was working at a VA hospital and I REALLY enjoyed working there. I could identify with the veterans, but not their substance abuse.
Today, I have three potential job opportunities. 1) an upstart hospice with low census count and uncertain job reliability, 2) a nursing home social worker (better pay, I can work with the elderly. Not my preference, but we ALL are getting older) and 3) a job at the Salvation Army. (Interview next Monday). I would appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers of this decision. Keep in mind this is a temporary position. My heart and soul is back at the local VA hospital. I loved working there and I really was able to connect with the veterans that I served.
Gock, my co-blogger, is making great steps in overcoming his addiction to anonymous sex. I'm very proud of you my man. Even though websites such as gay.com has been my downfall for a sexual hookup, I have been able to help and support a couple of guys on there. One 30-something guy is trying to reconnect with his childhood faith. The other is having a difficult time over the loss of his son (he was married) to leukemia ten years ago. He stated that he never successfully mourned over the loss of his son. That must have been painful.
"These wounds won't seem to heal. The pain is just too real....." I really believe that there are men out there that are really hurting. To deal with the hurt, they have somehow sexualized their pain. This doesn't apply to all..........but some.
M. Flip - email me at my college account. My work account went away as of yesterday. I hope your doing well.
Gock - Thanks for being strong. Your a good man and a good father. YOu've come a long way baby!
The future of this blog is unknown.....but I continue to appreciate your comments and support..........
posted by Restored Vows @
9:08 AM
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3 Comments:
sexualization of pain... that's an interesting concept. My heart cries for your friend who lost his son to Lukemia too. I love my boys more than anything in this world and I can't imagine losing them for anything.
All my success I attribute to God. It's the new strength I find in his love that has really pushed me through. Jesus is truly amazing, and he waited all these years for me.
My wife has also noticed a change in me and as become a better wife as well. I think this is a dynamic system with interrelated parts just like pretty much everything else.
-- for anyone truly trying to break the addiction: The final key beyond finding God that helped me figure this thing out was accepting the fact that it's an addiction. Just like quitting smoking, alcoholism, or any other addiction I (or you) or anyone may have faced at one time or another. Once I accepted that it was truly an addiction and I began taking baby-steps one-at-a-time towards eliminating it - my path of success began.
I'm not even close to done yet, of course. As the lord said - "It is the thought-life that defiles you." That's a hard one. I spend a lot of time still living inside my head. Every week I do something intentional to take another step down the road.
This Monday it was delete ALL porn off my computer. That's harder than it sounds... we're talking gigabytes here of pictures and videos. What I did not delete were violence-related videos which makeup about half of my collection.... videos that have no sex in them at all... just some kind of brutal hand/hand combat. I think eventually I'll need to clean that up as well.
Next Monday will be harder... I'm thinking I should remove all internet links and favorites related to sexual content. This includes lists on my youtube account, evideoshare, etc... etc...
The other thing that's helped is finding things to REPLACE the time I used to spend doing this stuff. Participation in "normal" message boards, doing more of my job duties, helping out at the church more, etc...
---
My prayers are with you *B* for your job selection process. Best of luck in all directions!
For those anonymous masses that may peruse this blog, your thoughts and prayers have paid off!
Today I started a job as social services director at a nursing home. The pay is more than I expected, and the residents seem to be appreciative of anything that you do for them. While this is not my dream job, it will get me out of the financial slump that I was in. I hope to return to my local VA hospital and to serve my fellow veterans. That is where my heart is.........my passion.
Gock - I am very proud of you my friend. It will now be harder to communicate with you except through here.
My new job does NOT have a computer or internet access in my office, so updating this blog while at work will go by the wayside.
Gock - now its your turn to shine. Tell us about your life, your struggles, your childhood........anything you see fit. The readers had nine months of my ramblings.....now its your turn.
Thanks to all who prayed for me for a job.....I appreciated it more than you will ever know!
RV
hey - I down loaded this and What's left of me in the last week and then read your weblog ! We have very similar muscial tastes - or may be our lives our running parallel
tks Tom Cat
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