Moved Out.....

Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin

A child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said, "I’m gonna be like you, Dad,You know I’m gonna be like you"

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin home, Son,
I don’t know when,But we'll get together then,
You know we'll have a good time then.

My son turned ten just the other day
He said "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on lets play
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,I got a lot to do"
He said "Thats okay"And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said "I’m gonna be like him, yeahYou know I’m going to be like him"

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy grew with the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then,
You know we'll have a good time then.

Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say,"Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy grew with the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
You know we'll have a good time then.

I’ve long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said "Id like to see you if you don’t mind"
He said "Id love to Dad, if I could find the time.You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu.But
It's sure nice talking to you, Dad,It's been sure nice talking to you........"
And as I hung up the phone it had occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,My boy was just like me..............

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy grew with the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

The cats in the craddle and the silver spoon
Little boy grew with the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I don't know when,
We're gonna have a good time then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This past weekend I moved out of my home. My wife helped me move to an apartment about six blocks from my home. At the advisement of her Christian counselor, I had to tell my 10 and 12 year old boys that their Daddy had violated his marriage vows, that I have hurt their mother, and that I was moving out this weekend.

Does any gay father know exactly the pain and the agony that I just put my kids through. As part of the stipulations, they were not allowed to ask me any direct questions. So I dropped a bomb and I left my home. That night I attended a support group for gay fathers. I was going nuts and needed the support of other guys who have been in the same situation as I have.

On Saturday, we shipped the boys off to my sister in laws, and we loaded up our pickup truck with the majority of my possessions. We dropped by a yard sale, and bought a love seat so my apartment wouldn't totally be empty. I have not been alone for over 14 years, so the silence of my new apartment was deafening. My access to the outside world, via the internet, has been temporarily cut off as I don't have a computer at home. I have my cell phone to get for communication, and I have a 1983 color TV, but no cable to record my favorite shows. Needless to say, this is an adjustment.........and it is NOT fun!!!

A new friend encouraged me to read the lyrics of the above song. That is SO me. I have been a jerk for a father. I have been so selfish and self-centered, that I have let the relationship with my children slide. This is not right. I have been wrong. Now is it too late? I don't really know......Dear God, I hope not!!!!! I love my children more than my own life, and there is nothing that I would not do for them. But I have been distracted......over finding out who I am and interfering in someone else's relationship. I have not been the father that I need to be.....and it REALLY sucks right now. My wife is SOOOO pissed at me. She sounds very hateful. It amazes me that the essense of Christianity is supposed to be love, and I see nothing but hate from her towards me. I messed up.....I have sinned....but don't crucify me in the process.

I am back to work......trying to help our nation's veteran's process their guilt over what they did in the war that they fought in. If I was very open with them, I am in no better shape then the clients that sit in the chair a few feet from me. The only difference is that I have a degree and am Licensed by my state to be classified as a "Professional".

I think it was a line from "Ferris Beuhler's Day Off" that states that "Life moves pretty fast". That is so true. It was just a few years ago, I was helping my wife change diapers and feeding my kids their bottle. Now they have a father that they barely know.....I need more time.

"The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon....."

PLEASE pray for me or drop me an email:

restoredvows@yahoo.com

RV