"What Hurts the Most"

Rascal Flatts What Hurts The Most Lyrics

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I'm ok, but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you every where I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret, but I know
If I could do it over
I would trade, give away, all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

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Restored Vows is back.........of sorts.

For the past four months I have not been able to update this blog due to my previous work did not have internet access and I didn't have the time to update the blog at home due to my family around.

A lot has happen in the four months. None of which is easy to share. Probably the most revealing is that I Outed myself to my wife on New Year's eve. I am still at home at this time but you can cut the tension with a knife. I think the tension was building as I met someone that I had an infatuation with. Let me explain the situation....

The guy, who I will call "Diet Coke Guy" (DCG) and myself had a very close friendship until I screwed it up. You see, DCG has a partner of 3.5 years known as "Jobless Joe" or JJ. DCG and JJ both have a history of cheating on each other. Anyway....over the period of a few months DCG and I became very close friends....at least in my mind. He even told me that he "loved me as a friend" which I misinterpretted in my having some form of affection towards me.

"What hurts the most was being so close,
And havin' so much to say And watchin' you walk away"

DCG and I were very close. We had a lot of things in common: religious background, marriage/divorce, children, similar personalities, etc. I could see myself with this man....but there is one large problem: JJ. It's amazes me that JJ scolded me in a chat stating that "DCG + JJ = Relationship" when he knowingly had cheated on DCG several times and even lied about it. What a hypocritical statement!!!!

As must as I still care for DCG, there are a few Life Lessons I have learned:

Life Lesson #1 - For the married or gay male: Do NOT get involved with someone that has a partner. They will break your heart every time.

Life Lesson #2 - For the gay man with a partner: Do NOT get your emotional needs met by someone other than your partner. It is not fair to the partner or the other third party.

In my fantasy world, DCG would leave JJ and I would get divorced and we would live together. Dealing with our ex-wives and our children. However, this is only a pipe dream. Honestly....I think that both DCG and myself are too scared to make a move. I don't know what the future is going to hold....but I am sorry to have lost such a close friend.

Anyway......this song will also be used for my next posting dealing with my wife.

"What hurts the most...Is being so close........"

~Restored Vows